Friday, February 24, 2006

Confused and Scared

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I should do about this security guard. He’s seems to have implanted himself so deep into my head that he’s driving me nuts. Don’t get me wrong. I do like the guy. That actually is part of the problem. As I’ve said before, if it wasn’t for that fact alone, I would be able to deal with the problem a lot better than I have been. He seems really mellow, kind of like me. Add the fact that he is really good looking, and you’ve got a killer combination on your hands. There is that fact that he could probably pick me up and throw me about 70 yards like I was a football. On the other hand, that wouldn’t be too difficult considering that I weigh about 150 pounds soaking wet. That brings up a very interesting question. What the hell do I do now?

Now I’ve been given a lot of advice about this. As one person told me, the way things are going, we are going to have to speak to each other at some point. That’s all fine and good. I just wish that he would do it first Of course that’s not going to happen the way things are looking right now. My life has never been that easy anyway. Everyone who knows me know that I’m not one to talk to anyone that I don’t know. I’ve said less than two words to this guy since this whole thing started. That gets even worse when it’s someone that I’m extremely attracted to. Oh, and every time I make the decision to say something to him, he does something that makes me think that isn’t probably the smartest thing to do. Then he turns around and starts doing the shit that he’s been doing from the beginning. Besides, I don’t want to look like a dumbass in front of this guy. Believe me when I say that I’ve become very good at making myself look like an idiot when ever I’m in his presence. Besides, in spite of all logical reason, I could still be wrong about this guy. That would be the worst of it all. I mean I could have been reading this guy wrong the entire time. If that’s the case, my best friend Angie couldn’t have said it any better: “Something would definitely be really wrong with this dude.”

It comes down to one thing really. I’m being a big wuss about this. However, he confuses me and that scares me to death. I can’t figure out where this guy is coming from, and I hate that. I’m going to have to give up control and open myself up to this guy who could potentially do some serious damage to my emotions-among doing major damage to other things as well. The last couple of times that I’ve done that, the results haven’t been what anyone in their right mind would consider to be very promising. That, honestly, is what scares me the most.

How does that saying go? Nothing ventured is nothing gained. But DAMN this is a really big risk.

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